A story of discovering that we've been focusing on the wrong problem this whole time

Here's what the diet industry doesn't want you to acknowledge: while losing weight is incredibly difficult and takes tremendous commitment, it's still not the hardest part. I've lost significant weight multiple times over the decades - including 170 pounds that changed my entire life. The hardest part? Finding release from food dysfunction without spending the rest of your life gripping the steering wheel, white-knuckling your way through every social event, every emotion, every ordinary Tuesday.

We've been focusing on the wrong syllable. It's not about WEIGHT loss - it's about understanding WHY we reach for ultra-processed garbage (which isn't actually food) when we're not hungry.

And until we understand why we go to ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) for comfort, solace, numbing, celebration, grief, rage, giddiness, pain, joy - the full spectrum of human emotion - we'll keep cycling through programs. We'll find one that works, lose significant weight, feel successful, and then... it stops working. And that's devastating. Because when the program that saved you stops working, where do you turn?

Let me tell you how I learned this the hard way.

The 15-Year Setup: Learning My Body Could Heal (But Not Why I Ate)

My journey with food and transformation actually began over 15 years ago, long before I understood the difference between weight loss and food freedom. I was suffering from severe asthma, and I had a powerful realization: if my "why" was strong enough, I could make significant changes to my food choices.

So I did. I made dramatic, conscious changes to heal my asthma - and it worked. I healed a very serious health condition through the power of food choices.

But here's the plot twist that taught me everything: while my breathing was restored and my health dramatically improved, I didn't release the weight I was carrying.

That experience taught me that our bodies can heal in profound ways through nutrition, but it didn't address why I was reaching for food when I wasn't hungry. I could control what I ate when I had a powerful health motivation, but I hadn't learned to understand my deeper relationship with food as a coping mechanism.

So I remained trapped on what I call the "Weight Loss Roller Coaster." Thoughts about ultra-processed substances continued to occupy about 80% of my mental space. I'd plan what I'd eat, restrict, inevitably break those restrictions with NF (Not Food), then drown in guilt and start over again. I was gripping the steering wheel so tightly, trying to control my way out of this dysfunction.

I tried everything - Weight Watchers™, Jenny Craig™, Atkins™, low-fat diets, cleanses, meal replacement shakes. Some would work for a while, but I always ended up right back where I started, often heavier than before. Each program could help me lose weight, but none of them taught me about the deeper WHY.

I was trapped in what I now recognize as addiction to ultra-processed substances - what I call NF (Not Food) - though I didn't have that language then. I just knew I couldn't stop thinking about these substances, couldn't understand why I craved things that weren't actually nourishing food, and couldn't seem to escape this exhausting cycle.

Then I discovered Bright Line Eating™.

The Relief: When Structure Finally Worked

Let me be clear: Bright Line Eating™  saved my life.

For the first time in my adult life, I had a program that addressed addiction to ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) as a real neurological condition, not a willpower problem. The clear boundaries around flour, sugar, meals, and quantities gave my hijacked brain exactly what it needed. No more decisions. No more negotiations. No more "just this once" with substances that weren't actually food.

And it worked exactly as promised. Over time, I released 170 pounds. But more importantly, the constant mental chatter about NF began to quiet. I could go hours - then entire days - without obsessing about my next meal or craving substances that hijack the brain.

For the first time, I experienced what release from food dysfunction felt like.

I was so profoundly grateful that I left my entire telecom career in 2018 to work for Bright Line Eating™  as their "engagement specialist." For 18 months, I poured my heart into supporting people in their recovery journey, believing I had found the answer.

The Plot Twist: Success Reveals Deeper Truths

Then, in June 2020, I was unexpectedly released from BLE™ with no explanation, right at the beginning of the COVID pandemic. Initially devastating, this turned out to be the catalyst for my most important discoveries.

As I worked with people in the BLE™ community, I began to notice patterns that troubled me. While the program provided crucial structure for breaking food addiction, I was seeing why some people's journeys were successful long-term while others continued to struggle, even after years of following the program.

It wasn't about the food. It was about so much more.

I started diving deep into brain science, trauma responses, and the complex web of reasons why we reach for coping mechanisms even when we intellectually know better. I was discovering that each person had their own missing puzzle pieces - unconscious contracts with themselves, nervous system patterns, unhealed emotional wounds - that no single program could address.

People were still reaching for ultra-processed substances (or other coping mechanisms) because they hadn't learned to feel the full range of human emotion without numbing, controlling, or escaping.

The Sophisticated System: When Your Body Outgrows Your Program

Meanwhile, my own body was teaching me about the complexity of long-term recovery. I've always had what I call a "sophisticated" system - from early childhood, I dealt with allergies, sensitivities, and inflammatory responses that would shift over time.

As someone coming from "big numbers" - having lived an "uber fluffy life" for decades - my body carried layers of complexity that revealed themselves gradually. I was hopeful that eating only healthy, nutritious whole foods would resolve all my sensitivities, and in many ways it helped tremendously.

But as I continued healing, I noticed my nutritional needs shifting. Sometimes I could eat nightshades, sometimes I couldn't. Raw vegetables would occasionally trigger reactions, requiring me to switch to cooked versions. With excess skin from significant weight loss, I couldn't easily determine ideal body weight, requiring regular adjustments.

I needed protein powders when whole food sources weren't enough. I had to modify food preparations based on what my digestive system could handle. Each modification initially felt like betraying the program that had saved me.

But here's what I realized: my recovery wasn't failing. It was succeeding so well that my body felt safe enough to reveal what it truly needed for optimal healing.

The Real Discovery: We've Been Focusing on the Wrong Problem

Here's what I was learning that changed everything: losing significant weight takes incredible dedication and commitment. But when the program that worked before stops working, it's devastating. The real question becomes: why do you reach for ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) when you're not hungry?

I discovered that sustainable release from food dysfunction requires understanding:

• Our coping mechanisms - how we use ultra-processed substances to handle stress, boredom, celebration, grief
• Our emotional patterns - what we're trying to feel or avoid feeling
• Our nervous system responses - how trauma and overwhelm drive us toward numbing
• Our unconscious contracts - the promises we've made to ourselves about NF (Not Food), control, and safety
• Our capacity to feel - learning to experience the full range of human emotion without escaping

The diet industry has been focusing on the wrong syllable. While they obsess over WHAT to eat, WHEN to eat, HOW MUCH to eat, they completely miss WHY we reach for ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) when we're not hungry.

The Real Transformation: Turning Down the Volume

Nine years into this journey, I can tell you something that might give you hope: the thoughts about ultra-processed substances that once consumed 80% of my mental space now occupy maybe 5%. My cravings for NF (Not Food) are almost nil.

This didn't happen through perfect adherence to any program. It happened by learning to "turn down the volume" on the dysfunction through:

Developing emotional awareness. When I notice myself feeling "prickly" or off, I don't immediately reach for food rules or self-criticism. I "walk back the cat" - I trace backwards to understand what I really need. Usually it's connection (need to share something), nourishment (physical or emotional self-care), or boundaries (something needs to change).

Learning to feel without ultra-processed substances. Instead of gripping the steering wheel with harsh control when emotions arise, I approach myself with curious compassion. What does this feeling need? What is my body trying to tell me?

Building trust in my own wisdom. After years of recovery work, I've learned to trust that I know what my body and emotional system need, even when it looks different from what any program prescribes.

Understanding that it's complicated. Each person has their own missing puzzle pieces. Recovery isn't about following someone else's perfect plan - it's about discovering your own path to food freedom.

Advanced Recovery: Beyond Weight Loss

Today, I work with people who are ready to move beyond the weight loss focus to true release from food dysfunction. My clients often come to me saying:

• "I lost the weight, but I'm still obsessed with ultra-processed substances"
• "I can follow the rules, but I haven't learned to trust myself around NF (Not Food)"
• "I'm tired of gripping the steering wheel - I want to feel normal around actual food"
• "I keep reaching for substances that aren't food when I'm not hungry and I don't understand why"

What I've learned through my 15+ year journey is this: the ultra-processed substances are just a great, big neon sign pointing to where we get to look deeper.

We don't have a food problem. We have a feelings problem. We have a coping problem. We have a nervous system problem. We have an "I don't know how to be human without numbing with NF (Not Food)" problem.

And until we address those deeper layers, we'll keep focusing on the wrong syllable.

Sacred Boundaries: The Evolution Beyond Rigid Rules

In advanced food recovery, many of us discover we need to evolve from rigid rules to what I call "sacred boundaries."

External structure serves us well in breaking addiction cycles - it's exactly what our brains need when food thoughts are screaming at volume 10. But lasting transformation requires developing internal wisdom.

Sacred boundaries honor both the structure we need AND the internal awareness we're developing. They allow us to:

• Adapt to our body's changing needs as we heal
• Navigate complex life circumstances without abandoning our recovery
• Trust our own wisdom about what serves our wellbeing
• Live vibrantly WITH our nourishing food plan, not just survive it
• Feel normal around actual food instead of constantly vigilant about NF (Not Food)

This isn't about lowering standards - it's about raising consciousness.

The Missing Curriculum: What No Program Teaches

Here's what I wish every program taught from day one:

Weight loss takes tremendous effort and commitment. When you find a program that works, it can change your life. But when that same program stops working or requires modifications you don't understand, it can feel devastating. The hard part is learning to be human without using ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) as your primary coping mechanism.

You will need to learn to feel. All of it. Grief, rage, giddiness, pain, joy, boredom, excitement, fear, delight. Without food as your buffer.

Your nervous system matters. Trauma, overwhelm, and chronic stress drive us toward numbing behaviors. Healing these patterns is as important as any food plan.

Your recovery will need to evolve. What serves you in breaking the addiction cycle may not serve you in long-term maintenance. And that's not failure - that's growth.

Release from dysfunction is possible. Not just weight loss, not just rule-following, but actual peace around nourishing food where eating becomes background noise instead of life's soundtrack, and ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) lose their power over you.

The Invitation: Focus on the Right Syllable

If you're reading this and thinking, "I've lost weight before, but I want release from food dysfunction," you're ready for a different conversation.

If you're tired of gripping the steering wheel and want to understand WHY you reach for ultra-processed substances (NF - Not Food) when you're not hungry, there's another way.

If you want to turn down the volume on cravings for substances that hijack your brain and learn to feel the full range of human emotion without numbing, that's exactly the work I help people do.

Because the goal isn't just to lose weight or follow rules perfectly. The goal is to create a sustainable, joyful way of living where actual food becomes fuel and pleasure, not your primary relationship, and NF (Not Food) loses its grip on your life.

Stop focusing only on WHAT to eat. Start understanding WHY you reach for what isn't actually food.

Finding a program that helps you lose significant weight is a tremendous accomplishment. But when that program stops working or needs modifications, understanding the deeper WHY becomes essential for lasting release from food dysfunction without gripping the steering wheel forever.

That's advanced recovery. That's focusing on the right syllable. That's the real transformation.

And yes, it's absolutely possible - once you understand that we've been solving the wrong problem this whole time.