Right here, Right now

I find it fascinating, challenging, confusing and exhilarating to think about why I am where I am right now, in this moment.

I am clear that work can be joyful and joy can be hard.

Living is complicated and messy.

As I struggle with my place in this world, I often reflect on the waves that jostle and knock me off balance.

I recognize touchstones that are now huge boulders, anchoring my current truths in place, holding me as I grapple with the tenuousness that is truth.

My current truth is that I don’t know nearly enough. That I question so many things and wonder at the beauty that is my life.

Unless I don’t

There are times when I lament how long it has taken me to…

Scorn myself for still not doing more of…

Struggle with routine and concepts of normalcy.

Disgust in what is for some

Anger at the injustices that still plague…

And yet it’s really hard to stay in those places

I revel in the belief that it really does get better

I appreciate the magic of the world I am currently in

I find sanctuary in reaching out and touching others

I feel such solace at being able to share my pain without worry that it will hurt someone else

The knowing is everything

The certainty of the unknowing is so gratifying!

The congratulations I feel deeply as you look at me with heartfelt joy at my being

I’m confident you are here for a significant reason

I look forward to exploring all those facets of you to better understand me

I’m not alone and that brings me to tears

Those tears are welling in me now as I write this

I’m so very grateful for those tears

Are they tears of joy?

Is joy a “good” emotion?

It is. 

That is it is just is.

A place of sublime

A place of peace

A place of contentedness

A place to hold sacred

A place for poignance

A place for grace

Grace. When I say that word I am pulled to many times in my life where I’ve needed it and not able to dig it out

When I’ve used it when it felt hard and harsh to my own well-being

It ended up - at the “end” of it to be exactly perfect.

At the time it was tremendously hard.

And it is

And it is not depending on which shoulder I’m leaning on

And those shoulders hold a lot

And are stronger and broader the more I’m aware.

How touching to be able to express these thoughts

How incredible as I look up at the sky and wonder what is out there for me?

Is that hope?

That makes me smile

And that is enough. Absolutely brilliantly enough.

Thank you

Thank me.

Yep - this feels good.

I know this is truth

Right here, right now